Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Welcome!

I’m not sure why I’m calling this Sassy Mom Jeans. I have worn jeans once since I’ve had the baby three weeks ago. I didn’t wear them well, either. Will they ever fit correctly again?

Screw it.

That’s why God made the Yoga pant. Not for Yoga. Hell no. They are for new Moms who aren’t ready to make the soul-crushing effort to shove her ass into a pair of jeans that were once a size too big, but now have you grunting to zip and button.

“But I’m so lucky to be a Mommy,” I think. “Who cares if I’m squishy where I was never squishy before.”

I do. I freaking care. If my ass had a personality and a vocabulary, which I’m not all together sure it doesn’t, it would curse my name daily. “What have you done to me, You Dr. Pepper Lush!?” it would yell.

and I would cry.

It was worth it, though, because while I cringe at the pudding like substance that is my stomach, I literally beam sparkly-sparkles out of my eyeballs for my perfect little boy. That’s not a mother’s biased opinion, either. If there were ever a perfect child, it would be mine. Do not argue with me. I’m still violently hormonal.

Just kidding. I’ve always been violent.

So, this is it. This is my new blog. I haven’t written in more than a year, so bear with me as I sink back in to my smart-ass creativity. I hope you enjoy.

P.s. I typed the with one hand while breastfeeding. Mom Skills.

2 comments:

  1. btw, I, too, have indeed updated with one hand while breastfeeding!! :) #werockthemMomJeans #justsayin

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  2. I am glad to see you writing again!! I bet it is therapeutic................now about that drink you texted me about...............call a bitch!!

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