GOP: The Men and their Skeletons

Politics is disgusting. I am appalled at the way people act regarding politics. In fact it's so disgusting and appalling that I absolutely must get my two cents in on the subject. The topic of politics is nearly as taboo as pornography and just like in porn, I think each GOP candidate has his very own special way of sucking.

Now, because I am entitled to my very own (and awesome) opinion, I am going to tell you why I can’t stand any of the GOP candidates. Brace yourself 'cause here we go:

Rick Santorum: is on freaking douche patrol. That man makes my skin crawl off my body and into a hole in the ground where it’s safe from like likes of him. This man really believes that we need more children to be born so that we have more people contributing to social security. He says that he and his wife have contributed seven children to society and might as well go as far as to say, "Chop-chop, Mother Lovers, time to pop some babies out." He likes to contradict that little gem by thinking that women shouldn’t raise children without a husband. Well guess what Douche McGee, some of us didn't keep our Aspirin tablet between our knees and got knocked up by another Douche Rocket who was to chicken shit to stick around.  How about this, Ass Wipe? Men shouldn't be allowed to be Tool Sheds and should accept responsibility for contributing the secret ingredient to making a baby in the first place and maybe there wouldn't be so many single Mommies. Ever think of that you chauvinistic dingle berry? And because he is the walking contradiction that he is, he's against birth control. Even if you are happily married but want to postpone having children and still get freaky-deaky, uh-uh, Rick Douchetorum says no-no. Gah, ok, I’m moving on because I could go on forever about this creep.

Newt Gingrich: I can't believe this man is even a candidate. Really, Conservatives? He is everything you are against morally-- a dirty, filthy scoundrel. He's a serial adulterer, a liar, and yet he's considered to be a religious, morally crusading republican and contender for presidential office? Yuck. Not to mention the fact that he's a giant five year old. He's especially fond of dinosaurs, big explosions, and the idea of making the Moon the 51st state ofAmerica. That's so ridiculous that it's almost adorable. I kind of want to take him to a playground and let him play pretend in the fake rocket ship. Can't we just let him pretend he's a candidate? He will be just as happy, I swear. You can't vote an adulterous five year old into office. You just can't.

Ron Paul: I could go for some of the things he promises in his platform, but I can’t go for his racist tendencies. He’s been quoted numerous times making profoundly racist remarks. This quote is especially ridiculous, “Given the inefficiencies of what DC laughingly calls the criminal justice system, I think we can safely assume that 95 percent of the black males in that city are semi-criminal or entirely criminal." When asked to clarify this statement, he said that these weren’t based on his figures, that it was just an assumption. Lovely, huh? To be honest, I think he’s probably just a loony old-timer complete with conspiracy theories and paranoid tendencies. But hey, if you like weed…he’s for legalizing it. It seems he wants to win favor with the KKK and the college kids. I’m a part of neither crowd.

Mitt Romney: I can’t respect anyone without any respect for animals. I feel bad for his dog, Seamus, who rode on the roof of the car for TWELVE HOURS on their way to Canada! He said the dog loved it, but his own Son contradicts that story by saying that at one point he saw a brown fluid running down the windshield indicating that the dog had been so scared that he took a runny dump! Did this make Mitt take the dog off of the roof and put him in the car with the rest of the family? No. He simply stopped at a car wash, rinsed the car and the cage, and put poor Seamus back in his cage strapped down with bungee cords to the roof of the car. Romney’s campaign wouldn’t comment, but Seamus allegedly ran away upon their arrival. That’s what the Romneys get, eh? (click here for source)

In conclusion, I just want to say that my absolute least favorite GOP candidate is (DUH) Rick Santorum and of course he’s the one that the Bible Belt just adores! I don’t understand. How am I so turned off by every single thing about him and millions of people are all honky-dory for the things he stands for? He wants to take away your privacy, people! He’s what I call BSC. Bat shit crazy! Now, please, PLEASE, stop watching Fox news and do some of your own research!