I can't believe I'll have been a Momma for a month on Sunday. Time flies ridiculously fast when you have a newborn.
The first week and a half went by so fast partly due to the hydrocodone fog I was in. The day after I ran out of my prescription was the day I realized how strenuous Motherhood was actually going to be. That pain killer has a way of making you...well...not give a rat's ass. I was in Mommy Heaven with that drug. I still am, I guess, just a less high, more exhausted version of it.
You know, I keep going back to the day I had him. I literally remember every single moment of labor. Other Moms keep telling me that I wont remember it after a while. When exactly is "after awhile?"
I'm ready to forget now. I keep thinking about how I felt like I was being stared at by my Dad, Sister, and two Aunts while I writhed in pain.
See, Asher was posterior right up until the moment I began pushing. That means his little over 7lb self was pushing into my tailbone with every single contraction. The pressure of which I could feel through the epidural -- rendering it pointless. I was preparing myself for a cruel, unusual death.
Every word I overheard from other people in the room with me was enough to make me want to punch things but I couldn't cause I was all but paralyzed. I thought, in my irrational head, that they were talking about me. I thought that they thought I was being a baby. Which I wasn't, just so you know. I'm not even sure I shed one tear until I saw his little face...and then I shed like nine or ten before I was distracted by the two female doctors talking about my no-no-special place like it was no big deal that they were about to sew me up like a damaged teddy bear. I reminded them that I still had to find the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, so they'd better do a good job.
Inappropriate? Probably. I was on drugs. Still, though, they assured me that they would fix me up real nice like. I liked those ladies.
Anyway, like I said, I'm ready to forget everything right up to the point I got to hold my baby for the first time. That moment, if you don't know already, is the single most amazing moment you will ever experience. I couldn't believe I had made a person. I couldn't fathom that a few cheap 3.2 beers and a bad decision with someone who should have remained "just a friend" could lead to something so...perfect. Inappropriate again? Sorry.
I can't wait to see what the next month will hold for Asher and me. I can't imagine life without him. It's like my life had no point before him. He makes everything make sense...which says a lot for me since I'm about as ADHD as a Chihuahua.
